You know I was thinking, I'd have nothing to write for this post. But something is really working my nerve, guys. Like, I shouldn't give a shit about this. But it's on my mind and it's making my stomach turn. Really, I shouldn't care that this is probably all my fault because I'm the type of person I am. But this thing has planted itself into my mind and is growing at an incredibly fast pace. Or rather, I should say this BOY.
You know fucking what? I don't want to have to worry about boys. I was perfectly content having no interest in any boy in my high school. I was a happy little thing, not having to wait by the phone in waiting for some call from some guy or sitting at the laptop type waiting for that never-arriving instant message. And then he comes along and disturbs the whole fucking flow. WHAT THE HELL!?
So I'm sitting on Facebook, just waiting for that instant message. I've become one of those girls. :( He's online. He's probably reading a book, talking to a friend, reading a blog, doing ANYTHING but speaking to me. Why? Because I was stupid and actually believed that he wanted me. I was an idiot and thought there was something there. It's a problem I have: If I talk to a guy and really get to know him, I start falling for him, even if he isn't my type. It's a fault of mine I should really work on. Anyway, this is exactly what happened with said boy. Let's call him... Ravenwood. Stfu and go with it.
I've been talking to Ravenwood for about 2 months now. Everyday. Since school let out he has not failed to instant message me until about a week ago. What reason? Because I remind him of his girlfriend. *blinkblink*. LET ME JUST SAY THIS: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN HELL I AM ANYTHING LIKE HIS EX. How he came to compare her to myself completely blows my mind. I feel like he led me on, all this time, only to shoot me down and laugh in my face. He led me on, guys, he really did.
He hasn't spoken to me in 3 days. I should not care. I don't want to care. I know what I am. I know who I am. I like who I am. So why do I give a rat's ass about why he doesn't want to talk to me? Because I like him. And I hate it. I really don't want him to talk to me. At the same time, I really do want him to talk to me. But I know he will never say those sweet words I want to hear. I should get over him, I know. I'm trying, really. It shouldn't be much longer.
This is the first and last post (I surely fucking hope so) that I will ever write on this subject. Ravenwood, you will NOT be missed.
Btw. Day 2 of 365. See that up there? That's perfection.
posted by loreal @ 9:21 PM