As I was saying... I know that this post will make me sound like the last teenage blog you dared to take a glimpse at but I simply cannot help what I feel. I want to be in love, more than anything. I already know I would be the perfect girlfriend. I am a pleaser. I aim to make people happy. That may make me naive and weak but it's simply who I am. I know I would go out of my way to always be there for my boyfriend. Always be there to take care of him, always. I fear I may even be a little clingy. I would always want to feel his skin against mine, his lips softly brushing my lips, his fingers tracing my the curves of my body, being close to him as often as possible. So I think I would be great girlfriend material for about a week, a month tops. He would eventually get sick of me, as everyone does.
Do you ever feel like you will never be loved? I know I'll never be worthy. I'm too much. I'm fucking insane. Who would want to love such a mess? Not only am I clingy, but I'm crazy as well. I'm goofy as fuck when I'm alone. I always feel like what's the point of being in a relationship if you can't be yourself? Only when I'm myself, I do the weirdest shit. Who would put up with that? No one. I dance at awkward moments, sing in the most stupid voices, talk to myself, my goodness, I'll say shit that doesn't even make sense and I do this all in a very ostentatious manner. Not only that, but I'm dramatic. I will ball my eyes out to just about any movie, I start silly fights for attention. I'm picky about what I eat. I can be rudely sarcastic and blunt. And I'm just an emotional mess. How can anyone love me? Why would anyone love me? I will never be loved. I will grow old and be alone for the rest of my life. I know I sound silly for saying that but I honestly feel that this is going to happen. It's something I've felt for a long time. I've always longed to give my love, I fall in love too fast, without regret and I do it time and time again because I want love so badly. I have no walls, I'm vulnerable. I allow myself to suffer and I fall for someone I know will never feel that way about me because I want it so badly. I have always hoped. Even now that I know I will never be loved, I know that I will continue to keep my heart open.
This made absolutely no sense at all. I am sorry, if anyone reads this.
This post made me think of this song. I don't know why, I don't think I can directly relate this post to this song but somehow it works.
posted by loreal @ 7:55 PM