And guess what? I love him. I thought I'd be old and wrinkly before I could ever say those words and mean them, but yes, I am in love with him. And surprisingly (I really have a hard time believing this), he loves me as well. I just wish he knew more about me so I can know that he really means it. For instance, I'm pretty sure if he reads this blog in its entirety, he won't feel the same way. I mean I want to tell him everything, really. I'm just not sure if he wants to know everything and I don't know how to go about bringing things up. Especially the bad things, 'cause there are a lot of bad things.
He's 23 years old and I don't give a fuck. I don't even notice it to be frank. He's somewhere around 6'1-6'2 which is absolutely perfect, I think. He has semi longish hair and he really is the cutest thing in the world. His smile is to die for and he has the most beautiful eyes. I know there is no such thing as perfect but this boy is perfect to me. He's talented, obviously extremely intelligence (which is like my ultimate weakness - intelligence = huge turn on), he's thoughtful, he's passionate, UGH I CAN GO ON AND ON. Remember all those things I said I wanted in a man? It's too good to be true, but he lives up to everything I listed. What's more is he actually gives a damn about me and the person I am. He wants me to be comfortable with him. I'm scared to do this of course because I fear he'll find something about me that's annoying. He's the perfect balance. He wants to know me but he's also sexually attracted to me and makes that very clear which is exactly what I need. I know that he's not just some guy who's telling me things I want to hear just so he can 'get in my pants'. It's so incredibly amazing that I can be myself around him, completely and totally. We have actual conversations, discussions which is all I ever wanted. I want a man who can think and boy does he think. He makes me feel comfortable. Not only that, he's so very patient. OH MY GAH THIS IS MAKING ME TEAR UP lol. He totally gets what I'm going through. When I told him about my hearing disability he was so understanding, it just blew me away. When we talk on the phone, he doesn't get annoyed when I incessantly ask him to repeat what he said. And we talk for a long time. I've never been on the phone longer than 40 minutes with anyone, ANYONE. We just have so much in common as well. Guys he is just perfect, I don't care what anyone says.
This is it guys. This is my man. I hope I don't fuck this up, because I want him in my life for a very very very long time. Perhaps I even see baby Jasons and Loreals in the future (OK SHUT UP LOREAL YOU'LL FREAK HIM OUT).
I think I'm being too much already. I tell him I miss him all the time and I practically beg for chat time. I probably say I love you too often. I probably text to much and sometimes I'm just plain silly. I wonder if I annoy him when I tell him what's wrong with me. I wonder if I'll burden him if I tell him the 'bad' bits about me. I fear I'm being a bit clingy as well.
I hope this lasts though. I really want this to last. I already plan to see him in late June. I'm gonna stay in his town for a week (maybe longer?) and I think we're sort of gonna live together lol. But I'm really looking forward to it. I'm pretty sure it'll be the best week of my life.
I want him to read this, not gonna lie. But at the same time I don't want him too Song time. Shut up, I like Dean Martin. Me = Hopeless Romantic.
Labels: love
posted by loreal @ 12:36 PM